read some stupid jokes in forum.... *quoted from my blog =x
The sad life of a penis
" I only have one eye, my hair is a mess, my skin is wrinkly, my relatives are nuts, my neighbor's an a**hole and my best friend's apu**y."
A man went to the hospital for a checkup. The doctor said he has penis cancer. He went home, upset, shouted at his wife with anger,"SEE, I TOLD YOU TO STOP SMOKING!"
British aged 90 married a 16 years old. He had baby every year and bragged that his engine was turbo. When the fifth was born, the nurse said "Check engine oil, baby is black".
Teacher : Why you rub oil on your head whenever I am teaching?Student : Last night, I heard my mum told my dad, rub oil on the HEAD.If not, cannot go in.
An Arab interview at the US Checkpoint.
Officer: Your name please?
Arab Guy: Abdul Aziz
Officer: Sex?
Arab Guy: Six times a week.
Officer: I mean male or female?
Arab Guy: Doesn't matter, sometimes even camel.
Dracula asks God " May I reincarnate into a white angel with wings and still suck blood?"
God said"OK, I'll turn you into a KOTEX!"
Farmer ordered a MILKING MACHINE. Tried it on his penis and had a wonderful orgasm, but can't remove it. So, he reads the manual and faints. It says"AUTO RELEASE AFTER 2 LITRES".
Teacher : Why do cow look depressed when being milked?
Student : Madam, if someone rubs and squeeze your breasts for 2 hours but don't f**k you, how would you feel?
Woman asked god to make the penis pretty. He said no way. Now it's ugly and you suck it.If it is pretty, you would eat it.
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from BOYFRIEND 5.0 to HUSBAND 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall performance - particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under BOYFRIEND 5.0. In addition, HUSBAND 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as ROMANCE 9.5 and PERSONAL ATTENTION 6.5. And then installed undesirable programs such as, PGA 9.0, NFL 5.0, NHL 4.3, MLB 3.0 and NBA 3.6. CONVERSATION 8.0 no longer runs, and HOUSECLEANING 2.6 simply crashes the system. I ve tried running NAGGING 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,Desperate
****************************************************
Dear Desperate:
First, keep in mind BOYFRIEND 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while HUSBAND 1.0 is an Operating System. Try to enter the command: C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME to download CONSCIENCE 6.2, which should automatically install GUILT 3.0. If that application works as designed, HUSBAND 1.0 should then automatically run the applications JEWELRY 2.0 and FLOWERS 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause HUSBAND 1.0 to default to GRUMPY SILENCE 2.5, HAPPY HOUR 7.0 or BEER 6.1. WARNING: BEER 6.1 is a very nasty program and will create SNORING LOUDLY 3.2. CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install MOTHER-IN-LAW 1.0 or reinstall another BOYFRIEND program. These are not supported. In summary, HUSBAND 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend GOURMET FOOD 3.0 and LINGERIE 7.7.
Good Luck,
Tech Support Have A Great Day!!!
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "OH GOD YES FATHER, YES FATHER, OH GOD YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father, he had AIDS!" Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
-lavender- @ [[3:00 PM]]